The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
