I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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