I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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