Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
