I showed him my bush... on skype.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
