my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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