The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
