Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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