I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
