Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
