sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
