3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
