PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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