Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
