Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
