If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Every concussion has its silver lining
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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