Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
