you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
