I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
