Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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