dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize