so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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