No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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