ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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