she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
