He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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