Will you blow on my dice?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
