That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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