I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
