We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
