I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
where does the pee come out of this thing
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
