i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
