you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
