porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
