Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
