wrigley field is MILF paradise
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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