So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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