You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
