At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
