woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and she was petting her beer can
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
