How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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