apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
