How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
