You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
