Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
