I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
