cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Terrible idea I love it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
