sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
