fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
