Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
