And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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