I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
