So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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