I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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