I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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