I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
