This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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