I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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