Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
