i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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