my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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