Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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