Just fell off a train. Bad.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
