OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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