Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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